Nour’s journey
A woman who left an arranged marriage to pursue a better life
We crossed Nour’s path in May 2023. She shared her story which was particularly touching. Nour is a 31 year old woman raising an 8 year old daughter by herself. She is a victim of domestic violence and has decided to join Women4Women to uplift her life and find her way toward independence. Here is her interview with Women4Women.
Where were you born and raised?
I was born in Noakhali, Bangladesh in 1992. I am the youngest of two daughters. My childhood was pleasant. I was raised by loving parents in a typical middle class family. My father was a government worker and my mother was a devoted housewife.
How did you meet your husband?
In 2014 I left Bangladesh to live in New York because my family had promised me as a bride to a Bangladeshi-American man. It was an arranged marriage. Despite being scared of meeting a stranger in an unknown continent, I accepted it. « It’s our culture, it’s our tradition. » says Nour, humbly. My husband had arrived in New York when he was 7 years old and was now a taxi driver. That same year, soon after marriage, I gave birth to our daughter. Sadly, signs of abuse came early on, even during pregnancy.
Can you describe how life is with him?
I found myself living with him and my in-laws.
My mother-in-law was particularly harsh and demanding. My duties involved cooking, cleaning, tending to the garden, and other household tasks that no one else wanted to perform. If I spent hours cooking a traditional dish, she would come by, taste it, and decide it was good to toss. I needed to do it all over again. Another aspect is that my mother-in-law would frequently wake me up in the middle of the night, interrupting my sleep with no reason. It was exhausting, mentally and physically. An unbearable mental torture.
My husband was extremely unpredictable and violent. When I was 6 months pregnant, he kicked me on purpose in the belly. I was terrified that something had happened to my baby. I could not understand how he could do this to us. What kind of father was he going to be? He had forbidden me to talk about what happened to the doctors. So I didn’t. I was scared and lost. He would often say things like: « If you don’t do as I say, I will punch you. »
By 2015, our daughter was a year and a half. The abuse was constant and was building up, diminishing my self esteem day after day. He also forced intimacy countless times. It was degrading. This was so far from the life I had imagined in the U.S. I decided to leave him and find an emergency shelter.
How has your life changed since you came across Women4Women?
When I met this circle of women, I immediately felt protected. Fathema who leads programs at Women4Women is also a Bangladeshi survivor, so we understand each other in a very deep way. I feel that Women4Women will support me, that they will guide me for next steps.
Women4Women has a very helpful holistic approach. They solve different connected problems: housing, benefits, psychological support, education, childcare, etc. I feel like they have my back and I can progress toward a better life. Once I find a safe apartment, I want to go to the Allen School of Allied Sciences or join a promising Human Resource Management program to pursue the curriculum I chose in Bangladesh. I want to find a job with growth opportunities and become financially independent. I want to be a model for my 8 year old daughter.
What are your hopes and dreams for your daughter?
I want my daughter to become a great woman. Very thoughtful and intelligent. And I want her to have a good nature.
I wish to open doors for her so that she has a life made of love, freedom and opportunities.
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Published in November 2023
