Abusive relationships are more common than we might think. According to the CDC, 1 out of every 3 women has experienced some form of abuse. Because these relationships can be so damaging to victims, supporting them in a way that empowers them and builds trust can help provide the stability they deserve. Here are ways to show up as the best friend you can be when someone you love is experiencing abuse.
- Start with empathy
It’s easy to assume that someone in an abusive relationship can leave when they want, but that is not always the case. There are many reasons why someone may need to stay in a relationship, such as financial dependence, fear for safety, or lack of social support. Listening with empathy can be the most effective antidote for someone experiencing abuse. Just affirming that your friend is not alone and that you believe them sends a powerful message.
- Stay in touch
Many victims of abuse feel isolated. One of the best ways to combat this disempowering feeling is to stay in touch. Calling or texting a friend in need to let them know you are available for a quick chat, a walk, a cup of coffee, or a night out can offer them a way out, and making sure they know you are there can make all the difference.
- Empower, empower, empower
Abuse is almost always about power and control. Abusers strip their partners of autonomy and leave them powerless to make their own choices or control their own life. As a friend, you can counter this feeling of powerlessness by allowing your friend to make decisions within your friendship, such as when and where to meet, or what to talk about. Trying to impose your own need to “save” your friend may do more harm than good and make them feel more disempowered.
- Ask questions
Remember to truly listen when you can. Asking open-ended questions can help your friend process what they’re going through. Questions such as “How did that make you feel?” or “What did you do next?” can help someone make sense of what steps they want to take next.
- Trust the power of friendship
Offering consistent, ongoing support is the very best way to help a friend in an abusive relationship. Just knowing that you’re there no matter what can make all the difference for someone who may feel alone, isolated and afraid. Remember that even as a friend, you need support, too! Being there for someone experiencing abuse can be draining and scary. You are not alone – we are here to help. If you need support for yourself (or your friend!), reach out to info@women4womenbk.org.
Source: NPR, National Domestic Violence Hotline
